You might have often heard the phrase ‘unpleasant divorce’, as in “Joe is going through a rather unpleasant divorce.” Did you ever stop to think what is it that made the divorce so unpleasant? Aren’t all divorce proceedings equally unpleasant? As George Orwell would tell you, all divorces are unpleasant but some are just more unpleasant than others. A divorce can be an ugly process made all the more painful when your partner is willing to play dirty.
“When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign that they ‘don’t understand’ one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.” – Helen Rowland
If your spouse is being foolish, it won’t be possible for you control their behavior. But you can be better prepared to face whatever they throw at you. If you know some of the dirty tactics beforehand, you can find better ways to respond. Remember, being forewarned is being forearmed. Most angry spouses might:
here is what you need to do, in order to deal with all this and more:
The first priority, in any divorce, must be to protect the children from all the ugliness that might ensue. Your divorce might be tough on you but it’s the children who primarily suffer the brunt of the separation of their parents. It’s hard enough for them to experience this without being dragged into the midst of the conflict. However, if they are somehow a part of it and your spouse is not acting as a responsible parent, you must take up the duty of dealing with the children.
Your job, as a dependable parent, is to explain to your children, all that is happening. In all their conflicts during the divorce, parents may forget to offer an explanation to the children who are often left confused and clueless. If this is the case, then you need to have a frank conversation with them, no matter their age. You need to tell them these things may happen between adults and all of the nastiness is just a product of heightened emotions. Children will understand. They almost always do. The key is to assure them that they are in no way responsible for what is happening, as this can leave a negative impact on their lives.
Trying not to lose your temper during the divorce process can seem next to impossible. After all, isn’t the divorce a result of all the anger, frustrations, and animosity? It is hard to see someone you loved, cared for, and wanted to spend your life with, using every means possible to make that very same life, hell for you.
It’s impossible not to feel angry about it and it’s natural if you do. There are negative emotions on both sides. You cannot choose to fight these emotions within you but you can choose how to react to them. A lot of problems can be avoided in a divorce if you just decide to keep your cool. Stay calm through all of the difficulties to ensure a smoother resolution for you and your children. Keeping your cool with ensure that so you don’t make the situation worse than it really is due to your temper.
The key, in any divorce, is to respond rather than react. You must utilize all the legal means available to you. And for that, you not only need a lawyer, but you also need the right lawyer. You need a lawyer who is experienced in handling divorce cases and also offers services at a reasonable price.
Divorces are expensive. You don’t want to spend more on a lawyer than you do on the rest of the process. Research the best available attorneys in your area. Interview the ones you have short-listed and see which ones are best suited to cater to your needs. The future of your relation depends on the person you choose.
Once you have an attorney, remember to share all the documents and details regarding your spouse. It’s important to be as open as you can with your lawyer. They are there to help you. And they can’t do that if they don’t have all the facts that might be in your favor. And, if possible, try to avoid litigation. It is best to negotiate with your spouse rather than getting bogged down in the mire of legal proceedings. Good attorneys will choose settlement over litigation any day.
Securing your financial situation for the future is not just borne out of selfish reasons. You have to take care of the children too. For this, you might take some precautions before things turn ugly. Make sure to have all the agreements in writing, rather than verbally. There’s a high chance that your spouse might not follow through on verbal agreements and you won’t have any proof to present in court. You must also make sure to have your name on all marital assets before the divorce. For instance, joint bank accounts are a better option.
However, if you don’t have any documentary proof and you’re at risk of being left financially vulnerable, you can resort to the discovery process – a legal means to gather information about your partner’s assets. This is where your attorney can help you in protecting yourself financially.
‘You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be used against you in a court of law.’ Uniformed officials often say this to criminals during an arrest, as you may well know. But why did this suddenly come up in a discussion on divorce? We mentioned it here because nowhere is this statement more relevant, than when dealing with an angry ex.
When you’re going through a particularly difficult divorce process, it is better to avoid any conflict at all costs, as indicated above. However, even if you lose your temper, you must not do it over phone, email, or any medium that can be recorded and then taken out of context to use against you in a court of law. And this applies to all conversations through those mediums, not just the ones with your spouse. In some cases, people may go as far as to tap or bug your electronic communications to dig up evidence against you. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
If have you found any of the information in this article helpful, or if you know someone who is going through a bad divorce, share these tips with them to help them out in their time of need.